Friday, August 31, 2012

So we're going to try something new...

Timed Intercourse.

This post may be considered "TMI" if the word intercourse offends you. If this is the case, stop reading now. Otherwise... please continue. I say this because I know some people don't like reading the word sex, or intercourse. They don't like thinking about sex, or they basically just get uncomfortable about the whole thing in general, so this is your final warning.

My husband has decided.

We discussed, in a little bit of length, the possibility of trying Timed Intercourse. We have NOT discussed this with my doctor however, but I don't think it would cause too much of an issue. Either way we're trying for a baby. We're just opting to run the whole marathon as opposed to the short sprint. Plus... we have money to think about.

Let me break this down, so you get it.

From the wonderful movie, Bridesmaids, "Help me, I'm poor." :)
Now, we aren't POOR poor... just working middle class. But that doesn't change the fact that money does not grow on trees and we have limited funds to work with. Every ultrasound that I have costs me a copay of $20 at the time of my visit. I have two ultrasounds a cycle, $40. Plus if insurance kicks back and says they won't cover that, I also owe anything that comes back. $40 doesn't seem too bad. And it's not. It's what comes after that that gets us.

These are rounded to the nearest dollar and are one cycle's worth, or one month's worth, of costs.

Medication:Metformin - $13.00
Clomid - $50.00
Thyroid - $8.00
Ovdrel - $150.00

Progesterone (possibility) - 198.00

We are at $221.00 without the progesterone. Add that in and we are at $419.00 in medication costs ALONE. I haven't even listed the prices for IUI and my husband's sperm washing.

IUI - $185.00
Sperm Wash - $150.00
Total cost - $335.00

So $221.00 and $335.00 gets me $556.00 Add in the possible progesterone = $754.00. (not including the original $40 for ultrasound copayments!)
Every cycle.

So I have the option of saving $335.00 this cycle. We're doing it. A lot of people I know think that people who undergo Fertility Treatments are RICH. I am not rich. I don't have nice cars or fancy clothes. I live in an APARTMENT that is messy more often than not. I work 40 hours a week to barely scrape by on bill payments. But I will do whatever I can to have a child of my own. I dropped my medical insurance at work because they weren't covering the treatments anyway, so what was the point of paying $600 a MONTH to have insurance I couldn't even use? Right. Exactly. It just really bugs me when people have this assumption that the people who undergo fertility treatments are rich.

We just need a little help. 

So the husband and I are doing Timed Intercourse this cycle. I told my mom, "who freakin' knows. It'll probably work this time." And ya know what? The odds are almost identical to each other. You only have a 20% chance of conception each ovulation period. And did you know that sperm actually live longer when they are not processed and washed in a sterile solution? A normal, unwashed sperm can live up to five days inside of a woman. A washed sperm has a life span of 24-48 hours. Don't know about you, but I'll try the five days this round. Hopefully I'll have some positive news to report next post!

Monday, August 27, 2012

Negatory, Batman.

Boo.

That's basically how I feel about Monday. Blegh and Boo. All wrapped up together into a tight little ball of BleghBoo-ness.  *sigh* I was supposed to be taking a pregnancy test today. Supposed to as in I didn't. Reason being? I started my period on August 24th. Honestly? I was sort of relieved by it in a sense that I've been "like clockwork" for the past three months. That means I'm working. I'm functioning at 100% capacity. All systems are go. Woo hoo! But then it means that I'm not pregnant. Which is sad. And annoying. And all of my hormonal imbalances where I cried about golden retrievers running onto baseball fields meant nothing.

Boo.

I did go to the doctor today though. Since I did start my cycle they wanted to do their obligatory ultrasound for cyst checking as soon as possible. And also to make SURE SURE that I wasn't pregnant by poking my poor poor vein for the 82nd time. So technically I guess I DID do a pregnancy test today. *rolls eyes* I still don't understand why they can't just check while they have an ultrasound wand up my hoo-ha. Sorry... anyway... the results are in! And I have one 16mm cyst on my right ovary. It's really not that big, but it looked humongous on the little black and white screen. I grabbed a ruler and measured it out.

______ <-- That is a 16mm line. I think. I just held my piece of cyst paper up to the computer screen. So there you go. *shrugs*

The doctor told me that since there is only one cyst and not a cluster of them, and it's not round in shape (it's oblong), it means that the cyst is basically folding in on itself. Or dissipating. Or going BYE BYE! And since it looks like it IS doing that he is okay with moving forward with round three of stimulation. Hello 200mg of Clomid! Looking forward to meeting you! I'm okay with this though... Even though I responded "wonderfully" to the 150mg of Clomid, I still only produced one mature follicle. What they're hoping happens is that I'll respond double wonderfully to the 200mg and produce at least two or possible three mature follicles. This is where my multiple meter would increase. This is where my possibility of twins may become a reality.

Third time's the charm!

I'm trying very hard to remain upbeat. I keep telling myself, "Jessika... you've been trying for three years by yourself, what's three more months?" Well... three months is 25% of a year. And I really don't want to move past a complete fourth year. And I KNOW people try for more than ten years sometimes, but I don't know if I can. I feel like this is taking so much out of me sometimes and nobody REALLY gets it. Unless they have actually struggled with infertility they don't understand. They don't understand the financial strain, the emotional toll it takes on you and your family, the pain and frustration after each negative result, the constant mood swings due to medication. They can say the understand all they want... but they don't. I'm lucky I have the support system I have. Both at home and at work. I love the people in my life right now and wouldn't trade them for anything. Well... except maybe a baby, but that's illegal. ;o) I know some of my coworkers follow this blog, and I'm so grateful for that... it may not reflect on my "followers list," but I know they're there. That's all that matters. And one day... (hopefully soon!) that pregnancy test will say positive.

Then my baseball playing golden retrievers will mean everything.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Star Wars and Spotting.

We have Star Wars "TATTOO" Bandaids...

They're actually rather neat. Sorry, for the long time no update, but I have been SUPER busy with everything from work, photography, and just trying not to fall asleep standing up that I haven't really had time to breathe! *sigh* SO! Back to my Star Wars Bandaids... We got them about three weeks ago now, but they are AMAZING! (Hey, I'm a geek, leave me be!) As we all know I had my second IUI procedure done on August 10th, which feels like a year ago now... but on the 14th I gave myself my booster shot of Ovidrel. Well, third time must be the charm because it HURT this time! The first two times I couldn't feel the needle and I didn't bleed at all. This time though, it hurt, I bled, and I bruised afterward. Well, I FREAKED out when it hurt, but I continued with the injection, pulled out the needle, and noticed blood in the syringe. So I immediately think "OMG I'M GOING TO DIE!" and I thought I didn't tap the all of the air bubbles out and injected an air pocket... I know, it's funny. Feel free to laugh. :) I retrieved a Star Wars Bandaid from the box and put it on my tiny injection site on my belly. I then peeled off the white outside part leaving just a clear adhesive with a picture of Obi Wan Kinobi. Yes, Obi Wan Kinobi was on my belly. :) And then I showed everyone at work. I also told two of my coworkers what happened and they (after laughing at me) told me, "you're not going to die... you most likely just hit a capillary." and, "do you know how much AIR it would take to kill you!?" :) I love them... and they loved my bandaid...

I had my progesterone level drawn on August 17th.

The doctor's office called me on Monday to tell me that my level was at 8.1. I asked them if that was good, and they told me that it was since my last level (for my first cycle) was only a 5.3 and even though it's not at 10 or anything that it isn't a horribly low level. So yay for that! I also know of plenty of people that conceived with a lower number than 8.1, so I'm happy with my level. However, I did ask the nurse if the doctor wanted me to take progesterone supplements just in case, and she told me that since I had the booster Ovidrel, that they would use that as a hormone regulator instead of more progesterone. If I were to take more progesterone it would mess with my period (if I'm going to get it). She also told me that if I'm NOT pregnant this time, they're increasing my Clomid dosage. I'm already at 150mg so I guess the next step is 200mg? Those hot flashes are going to be amazing...

Did I mention that this round of IUI feels 100% different?

Everything feels different. The first round of IUI I KNEW it didn't work. I literally cramped the whole two week waiting period. They started out dull the whole first week and then got progressively worse as week two began and then I started my period (for the second time) on the 24th of the month. I never felt tired, my boobs were not tender, I was not emotional. This time though? I cramped the initial day of the procedure. I laid around all day afterward as well, which I did NOT do the previous try. I cry for no reason. Literally, no reason at all. I was watching an Air Bud (the golden retriever) movie and I cried when he came out onto the baseball field. Really? THAT made me cry?? I also cried Monday night over spaghetti... or bread sticks, I'm not sure which one actually did the deed, but I hugged my husband for a solid two minutes with watery eyes while he laughed at me and asked me if I was okay. No, I'm not okay, my emotions are EVERYWHERE! My boobs are sore. If I touch them in any way they have a dull achy type pain to them. It's more annoying than anything. Speaking of annoying... I'm MOODY. Every little thing makes me start grumbling and everything is "annoying" me. :) I'm exhausted. I don't remember ever having been this tired before. I feel like I could fall asleep leaning on a counter. In fact, when I'm not working I'm napping. Now... ALL of these things could also be side effects to having a second Ovidrel shot. I'm not jumping up and down thinking I'm pregnant... I just know every little aspect about this round is different.

I started spotting yesterday.

THAT'S different... I don't think I've ever just spotted without then having my period. If my body is actually willing to be "regular" I'm due to start my period on the 24th of this month... but seeing as I started spotting yesterday around 12:20pm who the heck knows. After the initial 12:20pm spotting, it stopped altogether and I had no indication of any bleeding at all. I also did have dull cramping around 10:30am to 11:00am but I didn't think anything of it. I, of course, freaked out and called the doctor. They called back and told me that spotting is COMPLETELY NORMAL when you're undergoing fertility treatment. My uterus just has a lot going on at the moment so a little spotting is nothing to be concerned about. Two of my coworkers told me that cramping and spotting can happen during implantation. Hmm... I also woke up this morning with light spotting and it has been on and off throughout the whole day. Someone else told me that my uterus could be stretching to make room for a baby. Hmm... the only thing I care about is if it's normal or not. And seeing as they told me it was, I'm hoping I miss my period on the 24th and come back with a positive result on the 27th. If not? Well... we'll just have to try again won't we? 

Sunday, August 12, 2012

I got a feelin'...

I feel different...

I don't know if I'm pregnant. It's still too early to tell. I only had my second IUI procedure on Friday. So yeah. I don't know if it's just because I have a better feeling about it this time around or my attitude is just all around better or what, but all I know is that I feel different. After last month's IUI procedure I cramped the whole two week waiting period. I mean, non-stop cramping the whole time. But I just assumed that was normal since they told me I may experience cramping. This time around... I cramped the actual day of and haven't had a cramp since. My sister-in-law thinks that maybe last time was my body saying, "Nope, no baby for you!" and this time around it might have worked.

Still too early to say.

I do think this waiting period will go by quicker than last month's because it's actually LONGER. I have a progesterone level this coming Friday to see if my levels are good after my booster shot (on Tuesday), and because of the booster shot I can't go for my pregnancy blood draw until August 27th. So this is basically a two and a half week waiting period. I found that I'm not as vocal about my appointments as I was last month either. I'm just kind of like, "you can ask me, and I'll tell you." But I'm not just straight up volunteering the information anymore. I feel like if people want to know they can read the blog or just ask me. I mean, this is all pretty redundant after the first IUI don't ya think? It really doesn't deviate much from the original plan of attack.

I actually smiled on Friday...

After the procedure while my husband and I walked to our car I caught myself grinning like a school girl with a crush. I remember thinking, "this is going to be a good one." I can just FEEL it. Everything about round two compared to round one is just different. From the doctor who performed the procedure, to the cramping and spotting afterward. I don't 100% have my hopes all the way up, but I'm just saying... I've got a good feeling.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

On the edge of seventeen.

Had another ultrasound today.

As of Saturday I started out with five follicles all measuring between nine and twelve millimeters. As of today, I have one follicle measure 17 millimeters and another measuring around twelve-thirteen millimeters. The others have decided that Ms. 17 is the boss and faded into the background. The NP explained it to me this way, "this is why humans don't have litters like dogs or cats. We start out with a few players in the game and once they hit a certain measurement one or two of them decide to become leaders or bosses and absorb the majority of the hormones and estrogen you're producing in order to produce a mature egg. Which is why humans typically have one baby at a time and dogs and cats end up with five or six babies." I understand it when said like this. It's nice to know the follicle on my left ovary thinks it's the boss. Ironically enough the follicle that was the biggest last cycle also happened to be on my left ovary. Hmm...

I read something interesting...

Just because I have a mature follicle, does not mean it will release an egg. Well, that sucks. I'm kind of counting on the release of an egg here, folly... I also read that while typically a mature follicle is between 20-23 millimeters (what my doctors like to see), they can also be "mature" at 15 millimeters and release an egg as well. Interesting right? Well, at least I think it is...

So based off of my results today,

I will give myself my trigger shot between 8:00am and 10:00am on Thursday morning with IUI number two on Friday morning at 10:15am. I am in significantly better spirits about round two than I was about round one. I'm not exactly sure why though. I think it may be due to the fact that everything has gone so smoothly this time, whereas in the first cycle it lasted two-three weeks longer because I didn't get my period when they anticipated. I ended up having to take Provera to get a period. This time? No Provera needed. I was ecstatic! Still am... I also think that this time around my trigger shot is timed better than the first time. I was told that once a dominant follicle makes itself known, it grows roughly two millimeters a day. If this is actually the case my Ms. 17 folly will be between 21 and 22 millimeters on Thursday. Last cycle they had my take my trigger shot with my follicle only being at 18 millimeters. So naturally... I have more faith in round two. :)

We shall see though! 

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Liebster Award?

So, I was checking my email the other day...

I've been nominated for the Liebster Award!





I have no idea what this is... and I'm extremely new to the blogging community, but nevertheless I'm very excited to be nominated! Thanks so much, Julie! You're a gem! You can check her out at http://www.momontherunx2.com/

The award is given to upcoming bloggers with less than 200 followers. "Liebster" is German and means sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, and welcome.

Here is how the Liebster Award works:

1. Each nominee must post 11 things about themselves.

2. Answer the questions that the tagger set for you and create 11 questions for bloggers you've tagged.

3. Choose up to 11 bloggers and link them in your post.

4. Go to their page and tell them.

5. No tag backs.


Eleven Things About Me
1.  I work in a pediatrician's office as a receptionist.
2.  I absolutely despise feet. I think they're gross.
3.  I make the BEST desserts. Don't ask me how though, because I don't measure a thing.
4.  I'm twenty five years old and still have no clue what I want to do with the rest of my life.
5.  I own two cars.
6.  I think my younger brother is the funniest person I know.
7.  I don't have that many friends, but I wouldn't trade the ones I do have for the world.
8.  I love taking pictures. Photography is one of my passions.
9.  Clouds make me smile. Especially "Toy Story" clouds.
10. My all time favorite weather is raining while the sun is shining.
11. The only thing I truly want in my life is children.


And now for the 11 questions that Julie has asked me...


1.  What is your favorite ice cream flavor? 
Chocolate chip cookie dough, one hundred percent.

2.  What is one thing you did in your younger years that you are ashamed of?
Being mean to a little girl that lived next door to me. I had a "fat" contest and said she was the loser. Her mom heard the whole thing and yelled at me and then had a conversation with my mom. I felt so awful. I had no reason to do that, but I know I was a jealous kid and didn't want her to play with my "best friend" so I hurt her feelings. I was a brat.

3.  Describe your style. 
Honestly? I really don't have a "style." lol And if I could put a name to it, comfy casual. I'm a    real TShirt and Jeans kind of gal. Not to mention that I wear scrubs the majority of the week for work.

4.  Why do you blog?
I really blog for myself. I don't really care if people read it. I blog because it helps me to remember things and allows me to keep my brain focused, my attitude positive, and my emotions in check. If I didn't have an outlet for all of the information I'm processing I would go insane.

5.  What is your favorite non-blog website?
Ha. Facebook. Or MyFitnessPal.com, I have a lot of positive people in my life through that website.

6.  What is your favorite blog post?  Link it here.
I don't have a favorite blog post. I don't really read a lot of blogs (like, at all). 
 
7.  What month is your Zodiac sign?  Do you think you have those traits?
I'm an April born, bull-headed, opinionated, fun loving, down to earth, Taurus. And I have one hundred percent of those traits.

8.  What is one thing you want to do that you have never done?
Sky dive. I think it would be the most thrilling experience.

9.  Blogger, Wordpress or something else?
I use blogger. But that's because it's the only thing that I'm familiar with.

10.  What is your favorite food?
Italian. Or Pizza. I don't count pizza as Italian as it did not originate in Italy. It originated in Greece.

11.  If money was no object, what would you do?  Where would you go?
I would travel the world. I think I would go everywhere I could. Throw darts at maps and just go.

 And now for the people I am nominating for the Liebster award!!!

Keep in mind, I don't follow a lot of blogs, so I'm not nominating very many people. :)

1. Christie! - http://memoirsofacrazedmom.blogspot.com/
2. Carrie! - http://carriemotherhood.blogspot.com/
3. Gwen! - http://www.alittleunhinged.com/
4. Katri! - http://www.missinggalway.blogspot.com/
5. Cassie! - http://two-in-diapers.blogspot.com/

And here are my questions for you:

1. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?

2. What is your go-to, when all else fails comfort food?

3.  What do you do to pay the bills?

4. What is your favorite food?

5. What is your favorite quote/saying?

6. What is the best piece of advice someone has given you, and did you follow it?

7. What is the craziest thing you ever did growing up?

8) What is one thing that makes you smile no matter what?

9) Who do you miss more than anything?

10) Do you have a favorite hobby?

11) Why do you blog?



Can't wait to read everyone's responses!

This was a fantastic break from all of my infertility mumbo jumbo. Ultrasound this Saturday though, and round two of IUI Monday or Tuesday. Wish me luck! :)