Hysterosonogram...and more Clomid.

I had my sonohysterogram yesterday.

At least that's what THEY called it. According to the packet of paper it's called a "hysterosonogram." Bah, whatever, it doesn't matter. The point is that I had it done yesterday and let me tell you, I am SO glad my husband came with me. It wasn't "painful" so to speak, it was just irritating. I suppose though, I should tell you about how my day started... so then you get the full sense of how exactly I felt yesterday. In a word? Miserable. I woke up for work at 7:00am and was immediately in the bathroom with diarrhea (yes, diarrhea, not an "upset stomach," "tummy problems" or "issues," DIARRHEA!!!!!!). I was probably in the bathroom for forty five minutes. It was awful. I know what caused it though! I upped my Metformin dosage to three pills yesterday and one of the side effects is diarrhea. Case closed, but it made work an absolute nightmare. I'm surprised I got anything done in my half day at all. I was also having dizzy spells (a side effect from my antibiotic), and hot flashes. And of COURSE it had to be yesterday when all of this happened to me. I was trying to get a hold of my coworker to see if she could come in a few hours early so I could try and rehydrate myself (I believe I was dehydrated) and rest a little bit before my appointment at 2:30pm. That was a no-go. She never answers my texts or calls, so I just stuck it out like a champ until 1:00pm.

My husband is so cute. 

I met up with him at the house at about 1:10pm. I took an extremely hot shower in order to feel better, which worked. He took his shower, we got dressed, and then we headed out the door for the hospital. About halfway there I realized I had forgotten a pad. They told me there would be mild cramping with the test and that I might spot or bleed a little bit afterward and recommended bringing one along. Well, I forgot. I ALSO forgot to pop four Advil for the "pain" that was no doubt going to happen. They recommended that as well. Well, I forgot again. I have a relatively high pain tolerance so when the nurse asked me if I had taken the Advil and I told her no she said, "Oooooooh girrrrrrl!" while shaking her head like I was in for a mountain of pain. I just kind of shrugged it off and told her, "I'll be fine. I have a pretty high pain tolerance." They left me alone to get half naked and set up on the table and my cute husband just sat next to me the whole time in case I needed him. I didn't get to watch the procedure on the screen, but the way my husband described it: "It was like Mars in black and white." When they opened up my uterus and floated the saline bubbles through my tubes is the only time I felt anything relatively uncomfortable. It was irritating because it felt like a burning itch I could not scratch. I had to just lay there and take it. While that was happening I glanced over and my husband is just glued to the screen. I was glad he got to see what they were doing. He told me watching the bubbles go through my tubes was "Like fireworks coming through a black hole" or "Like rays of sunshine coming through clouds." :) He's adorable.

The whole procedure lasted ten minutes or so. 

It probably would have been a lot quicker had my doctor not had a student with him. So as he performed the procedure he explained every little thing he was doing to her, but it benefited me as well. They asked my permission if she could watch before hand, and I'm the kind of person that thinks "if it will help someone else learn about PCOS and infertility, by all means come on in." I'm really not that shy about my lady parts anymore. Apparently they like the camera because they're always ready to make an appearance rather easily. I can't tell you how thankful I am for THAT. Vaginal ultrasounds are awkward enough, but I can't imagine when they have to dig around to find your ovaries. ::shudders:: After the procedure my doctor told me everything looks fantastic. I have no blockages in either of my tubes and my uterus (yesterday) was facing the back, but looked perfect as well. He said that uteri tend to float around and move (didn't know that!) so since mine was facing my back he had to use more water to inflate it (I felt that) in order to see inside. He told me my follicles are still normal sized and there wasn't one that was really making the jump to be "the lead follicle" in egg release. So basically I didn't respond to the first round of Clomid. :(  However he suggested piggy backing with another stronger dose of Clomid. So now I'm taking three pills a day for five days (started yesterday) and then I go for another ultrasound on July 6th to look at them again. He said we're still relatively new into this and there are still a ton of options to explore. I'm just crossing my fingers I respond to the Clomid this time around. I ordered my trigger shot early, naively thinking I would be ready for it early. I need to monitor it closely because if it expires I'm screwed and it expires thirty days from the delivery date. So roughly July 12th. So here's to responding to the Clomid this time and having some juicy follicles!


 


        We are ready for this!

This is just crazy talk.

I could be pregnant in two weeks?

Well, roughly two weeks anyway. I'll know for certain in four weeks. I just think that's crazy. It hasn't really sunk in that it could happen for me in a matter of weeks. I mean, I think it is SLOWLY sinking in, hence the post, but really? Four weeks?  ::shakes head:: I don't think the reality has set in for my husband either. Of course I'm not really sure how he feels about everything happening this quickly. Especially when we tried for (it seems like) forever and are so used to tests coming back negative. Well here's to hoping for a positive outcome this time! ::cheers::

I'm not out of the woods.

I am fully aware that it may NOT happen this round. In fact, I'm actually expecting another negative result. It would just seem too easy if I got it on the first try. I'd be ecstatic, don't get me wrong, but I really don't think it will happen. I think I'd freak out if it did. In a good way, of course. Aside from the possibility of not being pregnant, if I AM pregnant after four weeks there's a strong possibility of miscarriage (for me). I think the doctor told me I have a 60% chance of miscarriage in the first 12 weeks. After that the percentage drastically decreases, but there is still a possibility of it. THIS scares me. THIS is what I'm the most worried about. I also will have to have a shot every week (ROGAM) so that my body doesn't treat the baby (or babies) like an infection and kill it (or them) that way. Guess that's what sucks about a negative blood type.

I know in the end this will all be worth it.

Nothing worth doing is ever easy. And I know my family is worth every scrap of effort I can produce. I am crossing my fingers for a one time go with the IUI, however unlikely it may be, and I know this blog will be the first thing I confide in aside from my husband. *sigh*

Here goes nothing.

Ultrasounds and Clomid!

I had another ultrasound today.

I'm also on day FOUR of my cycle, so you can imagine how awkward that was... but that was kind of the point of it. To make sure I had no cysts develop and that my ovaries and lining and all that jazz were looking good. Which they are! So I'm very excited to report that I will begin my Clomid today. :) This of course is pending the results of my in-office pregnancy blood draw. Obviously they don't want me taking fertility drugs if I'm already pregnant. But seeing as I am currently on my period I highly doubt I'm pregnant, but hey, stranger things have happened. The pictures were neat. That's one thing I didn't do last time I had an ultrasound. I didn't ask to see the pictures. Well today I did just because I was curious and stuff like that is always interesting to me. I got to see my newly shed lining as well. Haha. :) The only downside to a vaginal ultrasound while on your period... CRAMPS. Ugh. Sorry.

My ovaries are normal size.

I was kind of happy to hear this since I have PCOS and people with PCOS tend to have larger ovaries. So as I said before, I have every single PCOS symptom EXCEPT actual cysts and now except for large ovaries. You have no idea how much of a relief it is to hear your ovaries are "normal" when everything else about you is not. The other thing that I was told was that there were "plenty of eggs at the ready!" Now... I wish I would have said, "define 'plenty' to me" because how many eggs exactly does that mean? The only thing that really clicked was "more than one egg at once." Who flippin' cares though, I have eggs! :) And now I have Clomid to make more eggs! ::happy dance::

Everything is in super-sonic ultra drive!

I wouldn't have it any other way though. I start my Clomid tonight, my hysterosonogram is set up for Thursday (my husband is seeing if he can get off work to come with me), and then depending on the results of that and how big my follicles are will be when I shoot myself up with some Ovidrel. That sounds bad... depending on those results will be when they tell me when I can inject myself with my "trigger" medication. :) Much better. My husband and I have opted for the IUI. Well, in reality I opted for it and he's just kind of along for the ride. He told me it didn't matter to him so it was ultimately my decision anyway. But that also depends on the follicle size. I was on the fence for a long time about TI and IUI, but I finally posed the winning argument for IUI. My husband and I have been trying for three years to conceive a child "naturally" and it obviously has resulted in a negative outcome. It's a lot more FUN, no doubt... but if we were able to do this "naturally" we wouldn't be in this position to begin with. So I'm skipping the at-home attempt altogether and going straight at it, guns blazing. The way my body is responding to the medications, I don't think it could be a bad thing. And if we end up with a baby or two out of it who could argue?

Twins would be marvelous.

I think I've wanted twins since I started playing with baby dolls. My husband is even on board with twins (as long as one is a boy). People might think I'm crazy, and say ONE baby is hard, let alone two, but for me? Twins would be marvelous.

Joyful Noise.

I go to the gym at lunch.

I started going every Tuesday and Thursday just to walk for 40 minutes or so, and I LOVE it. There is never anyone there to stare at me since I'm in scrubs. Not to mention animal print scrubs so I look like a fat zebra on the treadmill. Bah. Well, today started out like any other Tuesday and I dragged myself into the gym because I really wasn't feeling it today. Super hot out. Hate hot weather. I know it's probably too much info, but I really had to pee! So I go into the bathroom and guess what...

I started my period!

I don't think I've ever been so excited to start my period in my life, but nevertheless, excited. The ironic part about this (and yes, there's an ironic part) is that I had just called my doctor's office to tell them I HADN'T started yet. I had taken my Provera like a good girl for ten days and typically, when taking it before I had started two days after completion. Well, when it hit the five day mark I was worried, so I called and said I hadn't started. Haha, day six. I should have waited just one more day. All that worry for no reason. Pfft. Keep in mind though this is the same medication I was taking every month to make my cycle start and it failed me for the last two months. I have no idea what was different this time around, but I'm happy it worked! Probably all of the other supplements and such.

So, communication with my doc's office:

I talked to the nurse after I left my super happy message about having a period today. She called me back about an hour later. The first thing she asked me was if I was "full flow" ? Uhm... really? No. No I'm not. So technically tomorrow would be considered day one. But let me get a little more TMI on you. I never cramp. The way I'm cramping I'll be full flow by the end of the night. Sorry. I know. Anyway... She set up my ultrasound for this Friday (June 22nd)... which I'm not sure why I need it, so I actually left another message for her to call me back. I hate that! I never have any questions when talking TO someone, but as soon as I hang up the phone I have five thousand.  Ugh. She ALSO scheduled my hysterosonogram (dun dun dun) for next  Thursday (June 27). I'm actually somewhat nervous about that one. It's probably going to be extremely uncomfortable and I'll be ALONE because my husband will be working. Can't wait to tell him that. Man, it's amazing how fast paced everything gets once you have a period. :) The nurse also joked around a little bit with me and said, "Well hopefully it's the last one you have for nine months!"

Me too, Miss Nurse. Me too.

More results, Work, and Exhaustion.

I got my other test results back.

The doctor wanted my thyroid and my prolactin level retested. And I am proud to say that my results came back "better than before!" :) So the nurse informed me, "no other lab work is needed at this time." I'm beyond happy! :) But it makes me wonder what my levels were this time. Maybe I'll call back and find out?

But then there's this other problem...

I'm TIRED. Exhausted without doing anything, tired and I don't know why. I left work an hour early yesterday because I was falling asleep sitting up. I was also done with all of my work and had partially prepped up until Tuesday so I was somewhat bored. But I've NEVER fallen asleep at work. I asked my office manager if I could go and it's just amazing how much support I have at work. Just knowing that I can talk to them about all of this is awesome. She understood completely and allowed me to go home. I ended up taking about an hour and a half nap, woke up and made dinner, went to bed at around 10:30pm or so and then ended up waking up at 3:30am and not being able to get back to sleep. :( I don't know if my medication is what's causing the insomnia, but I know there was a warning on ONE of them that it may.

Speaking of work...

One of my coworkers actually went through infertility treatments to get pregnant with her first child. When I told her that for the past week I just felt exhausted she told me that this was a GOOD thing. That was when she told me about her experience with this, and that she also has PCOS and was put on a lot of the same medication I am. She actually went to see one of the doctors in the same practice that I am. So now that I know that I feel like I'm super not alone in this journey and that I can go to her for advice since she's been through it. She told me that the tiredness is just my hormones getting back in gear. Well I hope she's right because this being tired thing sucks. I know it's nothing like when a baby (or two) will be here though, so I'm done complaining about it.

Until next time!

Shots, shots, shots, EVERYBODY!

Oh jeez...

I drive back and forth for my job. Quite a bit. I don't mind it though, in fact, I rather enjoy it. I work for two pediatricians and they each basically have their own offices. I mainly work at one location, but I drive back and forth if a patient chart I need happens to be at the other place and if they need something from our office I bring it to them. I also PREP all of the charts for the next day. Talk about busy! But I like it. So on my morning trip today I came back to my office and one of my coworkers says, "you have a package here!" I had to think about it for a minute. Why would I have a package come to me at work? Oh. Right. I forgot. My shot.

My shot is in the refrigerator. 

I haven't gone in the back room to find it either. I figure it can't get into too much trouble back there, and it's away from all of the vaccines so there's no chance of a mix-up. The information is still swimming around in my brain. MY SHOT IS HERE!!!! That just makes it more real. And for $97.53 it BETTER feel more real. That's more than a whole round of Kindergarten shots. Well, maybe half a round, but still. I can keep it refrigerated for up to 30 days before it expires, so I'm praying upon praying that I start my blasted period this month. My last day of the Provera is tomorrow so hopefully I start in the next couple of days. If I do start, I call my Endo on day one. If I DON'T start I still call my Endo and another round of blood work will more than likely follow or a stronger dose of the medication will be prescribed.

I just feel like screaming at myself.

Not a bad scream. Just more of a "COME ON SELF! WORK!" :) You would think that with as much as I'm paying out of pocket for the medications and stuff, that I would be dreading the majority of it, but I'm not. I'm even reconciled to giving myself my SHOT! Never thought I'd say that... I'm excited to give myself a shot. What is the world coming too...

Motherhood! I'm coming for you!

Quick Blood Work.

More blood work for me!
 
In an earlier post I mentioned that my doctor wanted to retest my thyroid and another one of my hormones (prolactin) at my earliest convenience. Well... today seemed pretty convenient to me. I drove up to the lab and got my vein stuck again. My poor vein! It was the same one as last time. It must hate me... *sigh*

I wasn't nervous.

In fact, I was relatively calm about the whole thing. The same woman who took my blood at my previous visit also too my blood today. She also REMEMBERED me which was fantastic. Of course, who could forget, I was a big mess of nervous last time. But anyway, this post will be fast since my blood work was fast. I went in, I immediately sat down, she stuck my vein, took two tubes of blood, done.

See? 

Quick, easy, and relatively painless to be honest. I think I'm becoming a pro! :) I just hope that the results are what he's wanting to see. I'm curious as to what my prolactin level was last time as well. I think I'll make a mental note to ask the nurse what the results were from last time compared to this time when she calls me...

Ode to Caribbean Queen.

I miss my father.

My dad passed away January 9, 2011. I am thankful every day that my dad was there when I married my husband. You see, he wanted us to wait a year, but after his first heart attack in 2009 I told him no. That I wanted him to be there when I got married. So, I didn't have a fancy wedding. I didn't have a big wedding. I married my husband at the Courthouse in our city. I saved money. I saved time. And my father was there. The only three things that mattered to me.

I didn't have the greatest relationship with my dad.

In fact, I made my father cry at least twice that I can remember. All of us inherited my dad's temper, which is a very bad thing. I however, inherited my mother's vocabulary and ability to bottle my emotions up until I explode. I'll never forget the day I really hurt my dad though. I was dating "some guy" at the time and I let him borrow my car with the agreement that we would meet at McDonald's at a designated time. I went with my friends, he borrowed my car and went with his, no big issue. I trusted him at the time and had no reason not to. Well, fast forward to the designated time and he's a no show. I went back to my friend's house all the while calling him repeatedly until eventually I gave up and just went home (around 3-4am). I woke my mom up and told her he had my car. My dad overheard and hit the ceiling right about the same time "some guy" showed up back at my house. My dad was so furious he would NOT stop yelling at "some guy" and they about had a fist fight on our front lawn. My mom and I are yelling at them both to STOP and eventually my dad stomped off back into the house, leaving an awkward me to take my "some guy" home. Well, he broke up with me on the way there. I was devastated. And at 18 years old it is NOT good to be devastated because devastated turns into my father's temper. I stomped into my father's room as soon as I returned home and just went into him. I yelled things at him like "Are you happy now? He broke up with me! Is that what you wanted?! You ruin everything!" My dad was so upset that he just started SOBBING. I remember feeling horrified. I remember thinking this is my dad. My big, tough, strong dad and I just reduced him to a sniveling toddler. I then, also started crying while trying to apologize to HIM while he's apologizing to me for "ruining my life." He ran out of the house sobbing. Literally ran. I sank down the wall and just cried, thinking what did I just do?!

I was also the only one of his children that could really do that to him though. I was also the only person he would ever apologize to and my father never apologized to anyone. That's just how he was built. He was hard on my brothers. Especially my oldest and youngest (my middle brother moved to Tennessee when he was three, but that's another story). There was one instance where my dad got so mad at my younger brother that he chased him into his bedroom and just pounded on the door. I just stared at my father like he was an animal. A wild animal. I yelled at him then too. First I yelled "DAD" and when he answered with a growly-screamy "WHAT!" I told him "GO TO YOUR ROOM!" And he did. Just dropped his fists, went into his room and shut the door. I remember shaking my head in disbelief like, what the hell? I need to make this clear. My father never beat us. Ever. He just had one helluva temper. My mom wasn't good at standing up to him when he went into a "rage" either, but I think that's why I was put into our family. Because I could. He started in one day to my mom and I couldn't even remember what it was about, but me and my smart mouth got the attention turned to me, and my father actually backed me into a wall. He didn't even look like himself. I remember that was the first time he raised his hand to me and I remember being dead calm as I said, "what? Are you going to hit me, dad? Do it." As soon as the words left my mouth it was like he came back into himself. He looked scared, like "what was I doing" scared. He just backed away, went into his room, and shut the door. My mom and brother were just starting at me. It's kind of funny how much I DO remember of my dad. Our relationship wasn't the greatest, but it WAS good. More good times than bad, but my dad was NOT a big communicator. He preferred to sit in his room, and watch TV and leave the rest of us to our own devices.

I learned valuable lessons from my father.

Love.Your.Family. Even at their worst, you still love them. And believe me, I've seen them at their worst. I adored my father. After his first heart attack in 2009 he was a completely different person. He had little to no temper, he was calm, he didn't get upset as easily. He was changed. I remember going up to the bedside to see him in the hospital and he looked at me and APOLOGIZED to me. I remember kind of scoffing and asking him WHY he was apologizing for having a heart attack? Like he could really stop his body from doing that? He just kind of shrugged and smiled, but I remember that. I think he realized that he took us for granted a little bit. Like he realized "this is my family, they love me, and aren't going anywhere." Once he got out of the hospital we started going to the gym together and having breakfast every other Sunday, and every third Saturday. Just to talk. The gym wasn't as regular for me as breakfast, but I actually got to KNOW my father. His favorite color was green. His favorite football team was the Chicago Bears. One of his all time favorite songs was "Caribbean Queen" and he loved anything by KISS, Kansas, and White Snake. Country music was a favorite. He could eat biscuits and gravy every day. He loved his dog. He loved his wife. He loved his kids. And he loved to bowl.
 
My father was a great bowler.

For as long as I can remember my parents have been bowling. My mom eventually got out of it, but my dad bowled two or three nights a week. I bowled with my dad when I was younger before getting into softball. So when I decided to stick with softball he taught my younger brother to bowl. My younger brother is pretty amazing. I remember the first time my brother bowled a 300. My dad was nearly in tears, he was so proud of him. I was proud of him. I remember thinking "this kid is amazing, I'm so glad he started doing this." My dad never bowled a 300, but he made such an impact in the bowling community that a fellow bowler put his first 300 ring in my father's coffin at the viewing. An honorary "300 club" member. I was so touched by that gesture, I don't think I'll ever forget it. My dad also taught my nephew to bowl. It's so adorable; he has the perfect form! My dad played such a huge roll in my nephew's life and he made SUCH an impact on him that he still asks my sister-in-law when they can go to Jesus' house to bowl with "papaw." My sister-in-law tells him now that when it thunderstorms the thunder is papaw bowling a strike up in heaven. I have never heard of that analogy before, but I love it.
 

I love my father.

One thing that is on my mind a lot, and upsets me more than anything is that the day my father passed was a Sunday and we were supposed to meet for breakfast. My mother knocked on my door at 4am to tell me he died and I was just in shock. We were supposed to have breakfast three hours later, there was no way he wasn't going to be there. But it was true. The diagnosis was Pulmonary Edema, but they said he had a heart attack in the ambulance as well.  I think about him every day. I'll hear a song on the radio and smile. Because like I said, way more good memories than bad. My father was good man. A GREAT man. And I did learn a lot from him. People say I look like him (I think I'm prettier though).

I miss him every day.

I'm constantly wondering what my dad would think about all of these tests and procedures I'm going to have done to me. What he would think about me, his only daughter who is petrified of medical needles, giving myself a shot in the belly once a month. Would he laugh about it? Would he shrug his shoulders indifferently? Would he disapprove of me going through all of this "trouble" just to have a child? Tell me it's a waste of time? I can't help but dwell on the fact that my children will never know him. I think about THAT every day. My oldest brother and his wife have two children. My nephew, who will be five in September, was only three when my dad passed. My niece, who is now one, will also never know my dad. My other older brother also has two children, neither of which will know my dad, and that's nearly too much to handle. He has four grandchildren and only got to touch one of their lives. It breaks my heart, but I know he's watching over all of us. I know he misses us probably as much as we miss him.



We'll be okay though. And so will he.
Happy Birthday, Dad. Love you.

The Results are in!

My doctor finally called me with my lab results.
 Twice.

Let me just say, first, that I was ecstatic to finally hear back from them. I ended up calling them yesterday because I hadn't heard anything. I was told it was on the doctor's desk for review, but my results had come back from the lab. Whoo hoo! Fast forward three hours later: the nurse called me and told me that my results were in (already know that), and that everything came back 'fine' and that it wasn't going to affect my treatment plan at all. Really?? That was kind of surprising, so I asked her about taking my Provera (since I hadn't started it that month since I wasn't really told to take it or stop it) and my Clomid and when they wanted me to start that. She didn't have that answer, but she told me she would leave a note for my doctor and call me back. No big deal.

I was still surprised by the results.
 Something wasn't right...

I pretty much knew what was going to happen before it happened. ESP! Ha! Just kidding, but no. When the nurse called back she told me that the doctor wanted me to go ahead and take the Provera for ten days and then if I started my cycle to call them on day one, and if not to call them also. Okay, no problem. THEN came the real results. "I was looking over your blood work and your cholesterol is a little elevated. We like it to be under 200 and yours is 229, but he talked to you about diet and exercise right?" Yes. Yes he did. "Okay, great. Your thyroid was also a little off. We typically need that to be at 2.5 and yours was 3.5, so we're going to go ahead and put you on a medication for your thyroid." Okay, can you call that in? "Yes, I'll go ahead and do that right now for you. He also wants you to recheck your thyroid, just at your earliest convenience, and another one of your hormone levels. So I'll fax over a lab order for you as well." Are these fasting labs? "The thyroid is not, but since we are testing one of your hormone levels that IS fasting." Okay, so fast.
 
More blood work?
 Well that sucks.

I wasn't too shocked when she called back and dumped all of that on me. I kind of expected for my levels to be off, so when at first she said it all came back fine I was kind of thrown for a loop. If everything were "fine" I wouldn't need help conceiving would I? My husband's results from his semen analysis came back PERFECT. Lucky. The nurse then asked me if we were wanting to do timed intercourse or IUI (intrauterine insemination) since his levels and counts are so great. I told her we were still discussing it. Which we are, but now that we know he's fine I'm leaning more toward the timed intercourse for the first round. One because it's free, and two because that sounds more fun to me. The thought of a catheter being inserted into my uterus and then floating the sperm through that to my eggs scares me. There's a higher chance of pregnancy with IUI, but I'm thinking the first time we can do it the old fashioned way and see what happens. I mean, ya never know, right?

The nurse also confirmed my blood type for me; AB negative. Just like I have always known it to be, but now I can say that with 100% assurance that I'm RIGHT about it. :)