This sucks.
I feel like it has been forever since I had my blood drawn. I think it has a lot to do with the Holiday weekend, in fact, I know it has to do with that. I'm so anxious to hear back from my doctor so I can start my Clomid. Add to that the fact that they may not even have my results until THURSDAY and I can't suppress the groan leaving my body. I wonder if anyone else out there is as antsy as I am?
On another note:
I've been reading a lot of blogs. Not just about infertility or motherhood, just blogs in general. I'm a big fan of going to blogging sites and clicking the "random post" button to see what pops up. Well, I did this last week and the first one that popped up had a title of "what do fertility doctor's do?" It wasn't an actual blog blog post, just kind of asking for information, so I started to read the comments thinking maybe I might get to see something that someone else has gone through and I could maybe prepare myself a little more. Instead all I saw was negativity and judgmental comments about how people who can't conceive a child should "just get over it and adopt already," or that "it's obviously God's will that maybe you shouldn't have children," and my favorite, "People who seek fertility treatments are selfish." Really? I was SO appalled by this, and I was really upset about it. I could not believe that there are people that could be so against the treatments that I'm preparing for. All so that I can have a family. To retaliate somewhat to those statements, I would not qualify to adopt a child. Adoption is more expensive than fertility treatments. There are home visits involved, they peek into your financial records, do background checks (we would pass), and it sometimes takes years and years for an adoption to finalize only for the birth mother to "change her mind" and decide to keep the child or come back three to six months later for a court battle. My husband and I talked about adoption. We are NOT selfish people. If wanting our own child to raise is selfish than I guess for the first time in my life I must be.
I'm not rich either.
Another common comment that I encountered was "if you people have thousands of dollars for treatments, more power to you." I don't. My husband and I are scraping by as it is, but because we have been trying for three years and aren't getting any younger we decided to take the next step in seeking help. Our insurance does not cover infertility treatments. We are prepared to pay out of pocket for this and do whatever we have to do to have a family. Everyone is entitled to an opinion and I'm sure there are plenty more out there, but don't berate someone trying to have a family when you know nothing about their circumstances or underlying medical conditions or just don't understand. It's like making fun of the kid with glasses or braces. It's just plain mean.
As for the "God's will" debate...
I believe God gave me a sign the day I
walked into that hospital. Here's why: My grandmother was having
surgery there. I was waiting with my aunt and mom to hear from the
doctor how she was progressing when I glanced over at the directory. Ya
know, that shiny little plaque on the wall that details the doctors and
what floor they're located on? Well, on the fourth floor, the first one
listed was "Reproductive Medicine." Same building. I told my mom I'd be
right back and set out on a quest for the fourth floor. When I got
there, I was able to make an appointment for TWO WEEKS later... the
receptionist told me that that "never happens." The doctor I'm seeing is
an expert in PCOS and Insulin Resistance. I feel like I was lead to see
this doctor at that time. It feels like someone up above was guiding me
to do this. Everyone is judgmental, myself included. It's in our nature. And before you argue that with me, God created us in his image, right? Well isn't God the one true judge? Humans judge without even realizing that they do it. I know I judge the drug addicts who shoot up heroine with their two year old in the room. I judge the women who are so messed up that every single one of their eight children was taken away by the courts and put into foster care because she was declared "unfit" and no one else in their equally messed up family would step up for them. I judge the men and women who beat their children, starve them, and murder them.
Now.
What makes them a better parent than me?
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