Well folks, I think I'm close to breaking down.
I know it has been awhile, and I apologize for that, especially to my family members that follow me on here and like to keep tabs. I'm sorry. With Thanksgiving over with and Christmas rapidly approaching I feel my anxiety level creeping to an all time high. We cannot afford Christmas this year. We can barely buy for the 10 children in our lives, let alone six adults. My mom came up with the idea to give out my baked goodies, which honestly isn't that horrible of an idea, but that's a lot of pressure too! I would have to make sure every cupcake and holiday cookie is pristine and perfectly frosted. *sigh* I don't know, but I'll try it. I'm also not sure if it will "fall on deaf ears" so to speak and not be appreciated. :-/
I love Christmas... I really do...
But I feel like this Christmas is going to suck. I'm a big Bah Humbug this year and I honestly think it's because I miss my dad. I know I spent last Christmas without him... but I was sort of numb the whole first year. Now that I have time to process it... "oh hey, dad's not here" it really sucks. I shouldn't complain. A lot of other people have lost a parent and I know it's not something easily "gotten over," but this REALLY sucks. My grandma is also not going to be able to enjoy the holiday with us. She was diagnosed with ALS and has been progressing very quickly. She can't speak very well, she can't walk, or feed herself, and she has trouble chewing and swallowing. She was also diagnosed with pseudobulbar palsy which causes her to laugh or cry (and I mean SOB) uncontrollably for no reason. It's horrible to see her like this. She was so involved with LIFE. She went to festivals all summer, she was a member of many different city boards and festival boards, she traveled. She was just in Germany! And then from May to November she just... lost everything... I love her a lot. I grew closer to her over the summer (not last, but the one before it) when my husband painted a few things around her house for her. It was nice being able to talk to her and have her tell me things I never knew about her before. And now I feel like I didn't see her enough. I HATE nursing homes. My great grandma passed away in a nursing home and now my only living grandparent is going to pass in one as well. So sorry I'm a Bah Humbug.
The other thing that's been on my mind...
We're still not pregnant. We're taking a break for the months of November and December. I started my cycle yesterday, but it's SUPER light... which is weird, but I'm not worried. It'll pick up. It usually does. I started thinking about the whole "maybe I'm not supposed to have children" thing again. It really does just jump into my head when I'm depressed about something. But surprisingly? I'm getting to the point where that's okay. I'm an amazing aunt... and maybe that's good enough. *shrugs*
Sorry for the no update thing again...
Hopefully this wasn't too terrible for you to read.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
JessaKake's vs. Election.
I really need to open a bakery.
I just made the world's best red velvet cupcakes (homemade of course) accompanied by homemade cream cheese icing. The recipe I have made 32 cupcakes. Now, what the heck am I going to do with that many cupcakes for just my husband and myself? Easy. Give them away. I brought two dozen of the yummy things to work and am down to about ten. All of my coworkers told me "these are amazing!" or "they're perfect!" or "how did you do the icing, because I don't usually like cream cheese icing, but this is really good!"
*sigh* Well... I'll tell you. I'm an evil cupcake baking genius. I'm also an evil cookie baking genius. Or maybe just an evil dessert making genius. Either way, the common denominator is genius. Aside from that though, my coworkers all got me thinking that I should REALLY open up a bakery since all of my sweet treats are usually amazing. I just really don't have the money to do that. How hard to you think it is to get investors? I really just don't want to try this and fail. I don't like to fail... right now it's a good situation. I bake too much, I give the product out for free. Maybe there's some sort of charity I could get involved with and they can benefit from excess yummyness... hmm...
But I really need to think about possibly applying to work at a bakery...
Next topic?
Obama wins president.
I really wanted my cat, Isadore Tyrone, to be the first cat president... but alas he was not elected. Here are my thoughts on this. Izzy is super sad, but I gave him some cat treats and he snapped right out of it... oh, right. Election. Obama. Romney. Etc...
Obama is the president of The United States of America.
This really does not bother me as much as it bothers my coworkers, and they've been annoying me with it all morning. Saying things like, "Oh, I guess we're working for free now!" and "Do we really need to work that hard today?" and "Well I'll be out of a job when Obama Care goes into full swing." "We haven't had a good assassination lately..." Now, my office is entirely (for the most part) made up of die-hard republicans who don't even support that the first openly gay senator was elected into office. They had plenty to say about that as well. And it just aggravates me. I'm over hearing about it.
The way I look at it is that either way the vote would have went there was going to be change in America. Whether it's a good or a bad change remains to be said, but apparently the nation thought that Obama was the right guy for the job. It's not his fault Bush left an eight year disaster for him to clean up. We reelected Bush. We reelected Obama. Get over it. We had the opportunity to change it and we didn't. Even if you voted for Romney, you need to realize that Obama is still president, there's nothing you can do about it, and you should probably lend him (Obama) some support for the next four years, otherwise nothing is going to get done AT ALL.
I don't support Obama Care. I don't support it one bit. I don't like being told that I have to have health insurance or I have to pay a "fine" or "healthcare tax." It's bull. And I doubt that I'll be able to afford said tax, but guess what? There's nothing I can do about it now. So we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I also did not support Romney's anti-abortion stance. And I know what you're thinking... how can I be against life when I'm trying so hard to create it? It's simple. I'm not AGAINST life at all. I'm just pro-choice. I believe if a woman is raped and a child is conceived out of that horrendous act that she has the right to do with her body as she sees fit. If she can't fathom giving birth to a child that in her mind could be "half monster" then she shouldn't have to. Every circumstance is different and that should be taken into consideration. For myself? No. Never would I ever have an abortion or endorse getting one. But I feel like if it's right for that person, then fine. No one should dictate what a woman should do with her body.
This all being said...
America is in for an awakening. Things get worse before they get better. Maybe things will turn around in the next four years, and maybe they won't. But we do know one thing for sure... After this term he's done. He'll be gone...So for now. Lend him some support and suck it up.
Thanks for listening.
Have a cupcake.
I just made the world's best red velvet cupcakes (homemade of course) accompanied by homemade cream cheese icing. The recipe I have made 32 cupcakes. Now, what the heck am I going to do with that many cupcakes for just my husband and myself? Easy. Give them away. I brought two dozen of the yummy things to work and am down to about ten. All of my coworkers told me "these are amazing!" or "they're perfect!" or "how did you do the icing, because I don't usually like cream cheese icing, but this is really good!"
*sigh* Well... I'll tell you. I'm an evil cupcake baking genius. I'm also an evil cookie baking genius. Or maybe just an evil dessert making genius. Either way, the common denominator is genius. Aside from that though, my coworkers all got me thinking that I should REALLY open up a bakery since all of my sweet treats are usually amazing. I just really don't have the money to do that. How hard to you think it is to get investors? I really just don't want to try this and fail. I don't like to fail... right now it's a good situation. I bake too much, I give the product out for free. Maybe there's some sort of charity I could get involved with and they can benefit from excess yummyness... hmm...
But I really need to think about possibly applying to work at a bakery...
Next topic?
Obama wins president.
I really wanted my cat, Isadore Tyrone, to be the first cat president... but alas he was not elected. Here are my thoughts on this. Izzy is super sad, but I gave him some cat treats and he snapped right out of it... oh, right. Election. Obama. Romney. Etc...
Obama is the president of The United States of America.
This really does not bother me as much as it bothers my coworkers, and they've been annoying me with it all morning. Saying things like, "Oh, I guess we're working for free now!" and "Do we really need to work that hard today?" and "Well I'll be out of a job when Obama Care goes into full swing." "We haven't had a good assassination lately..." Now, my office is entirely (for the most part) made up of die-hard republicans who don't even support that the first openly gay senator was elected into office. They had plenty to say about that as well. And it just aggravates me. I'm over hearing about it.
The way I look at it is that either way the vote would have went there was going to be change in America. Whether it's a good or a bad change remains to be said, but apparently the nation thought that Obama was the right guy for the job. It's not his fault Bush left an eight year disaster for him to clean up. We reelected Bush. We reelected Obama. Get over it. We had the opportunity to change it and we didn't. Even if you voted for Romney, you need to realize that Obama is still president, there's nothing you can do about it, and you should probably lend him (Obama) some support for the next four years, otherwise nothing is going to get done AT ALL.
I don't support Obama Care. I don't support it one bit. I don't like being told that I have to have health insurance or I have to pay a "fine" or "healthcare tax." It's bull. And I doubt that I'll be able to afford said tax, but guess what? There's nothing I can do about it now. So we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I also did not support Romney's anti-abortion stance. And I know what you're thinking... how can I be against life when I'm trying so hard to create it? It's simple. I'm not AGAINST life at all. I'm just pro-choice. I believe if a woman is raped and a child is conceived out of that horrendous act that she has the right to do with her body as she sees fit. If she can't fathom giving birth to a child that in her mind could be "half monster" then she shouldn't have to. Every circumstance is different and that should be taken into consideration. For myself? No. Never would I ever have an abortion or endorse getting one. But I feel like if it's right for that person, then fine. No one should dictate what a woman should do with her body.
This all being said...
America is in for an awakening. Things get worse before they get better. Maybe things will turn around in the next four years, and maybe they won't. But we do know one thing for sure... After this term he's done. He'll be gone...So for now. Lend him some support and suck it up.
Thanks for listening.
Have a cupcake.
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