Monday Rant Time.

It doesn't feel like a Monday to me.

It needs to be rainy or gross outside to feel like an actual Monday. I'm not down with it being a beautiful day today. I've basically been on a roll since I got into work today. Between bossy coworkers and coworkers not knowing what to do when scheduling appointments, it's just driving me insane. Granted though, everything has been driving me a little insane lately. I realize that not everyone thinks the same way that I do, but a lot of the scheduling protocol should revolve around common sense. Don't put into the description box that a patient hasn't been seen in over five years, but then not actually put the last time they were here. It makes finding that chart extremely difficult, and now I have to take time to call you and ask you to tell me what year they were last seen when you should have already put it in the box in the first place. I wasted ten minutes of my life that could have been so easily avoided. *End Rant*

I've been busy.

Basically, I have just been super cleaning my apartment. But hey... it's crunch time. My "Spring Cleaning" has been building up for the past five years that I've lived in that place. It's about time for a major overhaul. My husband is painting one of our friend's houses and one of the colors is a pretty purple-ish color. So he told me if there is anything left we could have it for the spare bedroom. I don't know if I'd rather have an accent wall or a couple stripes around the walls. *shrug* My landlord might not be too pleased with me as a tenant, but I'm none to pleased with her as a landlord so I guess that makes us relatively even. My landlord, don't get me wrong, is a great landlord... she maintains the crap out of those bushes out front... and doesn't mind our rent being late as long as it's paid by the end of the month (along with the $35 late fee), but as an interior fixer-upper person? Horrible. We've had to fix a lot of things on our own and then there are certain things that she was supposed to return to fix (our front screen door) and never returned. Our front door hasn't had a handle on it for about a year now. So yes. I'm painting a wall purple-ish as my revenge.

I rehomed my cat.

Izzy Bear. He is a spectacular feline specimen. He truly is, but with also having Vegas the workload of the litter boxes and the cost of litter and food alone was driving the husband a little crazy. So we compromised on rehoming one of my precious fur children. Izzy is SO loving though it didn't take long at all for him to find a home. However, yesterday the person we rehomed him to dropped a bomb on us and said she had to get rid of him as well as her own cat due to health reasons. So now my mother-in-law has custody of him. :) I'm actually more okay with this option because we'll still be able to see him when we go over there. He didn't seem to mind too much being there either, but I know he's very upset with me for "abandoning" him. *sigh*

Only time will tell...

Racism in the case of Trayvon Martin?? No way....

Okay... 

Like I stated in my previous post, I am in NO way racist. I have black friends. I have black cousins. I probably AM black somewhere down my line if you look at my wide nose, big hips and thighs, and the gap between my teeth (and judge based on stereotype)... but I am SO sick of black people blaming EVERYTHING on race/racial issues. I really am not afraid to call a black person out on being racist towards whites (or any other race). In fact.... I did so this morning via Facebook because of the Trayvon Martin verdict. The conversation was as follows with the status she posted being what started the whole thing.

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"THIS JUST LETS ME KNOW MY WORTH IN A COUNTRY I WAS BORN IN SHIT BLACKS AINT ASK TO BE HERE Y'ALL WHITE MFS STOLE US FROM OUR MOTHERLAND BUT SHIT Y'ALL DONT BELONG HERE EITHER STOLE THIS LAND FROM THE INDIANS BUT WE THE MINORITY AND INFERIOR TO Y'ALL FUCK Y'ALL I SAID YOU DONT LIKE IT DELETE ME" 

ME = George Zimmerman is Hispanic. Just so you're aware before condemning the "white" race.  

HER =  I KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HIS THE JUSTICE SYSTEM AINT HISPANIC   

 I KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HE IS AND LIKE I SAID IN MY STAT YOU DONT LIKE WHAT I SAID DELETE ME 

ME =  I'm not deleting you. I'm stating another opinion. You don't like mine, delete ME. I don't think justice was served in this case either but I'm saying that you're sounding a little racist yourself. No one is happy with this. And it's ultimately the all woman jury and the judge presiding over the case's fault. I have very little faith in our country right now.

 HER = WELL I GUESS IM A RACIST

______________________________________________________________________________________________

*sigh...*

So now there's that. I did not CALL her racist *as you can see.* I said she sounded racist. She is the one who said "I guess I'm a racist." I did not caps lock her to death, and I kept a pretty cool head about it all. I just really felt like screaming toward the end, which is why I just stopped talking. If me stating, "you sound racist" was the only thing out of that whole comment that she got, then I guess the shoe fits. I did not tell her that the absolute head of our judicial system is our president... who happens to be a black man. I did not tell her that there are plenty of government officials who are ALSO black. The whole of the judicial system is NOT white... and for her to condemn the race as a whole and the judicial system as a whole (by saying we're all white and fuck us) is SEVERELY racist! But I guess it's not politically correct to say she's racist since I'm white and she's black, right? It should be the other way around?

I also want to state that I, in no way, violated her privacy rights by posting that conversation since it's already on a public networking site, and all names and links have been removed. 

I'm over this double standard that society has. It's not okay for a white woman to say the word "nigger" THIRTY YEARS AGO, but it's okay for a black man to rap the word 48 times on one CD since those are "his people?" If one person gets punished we all should. If "nigger" is SUCH a bad and derogatory term then why is it okay for black people to say it? I'm sorry... if you're allowed to keep using the word, why can't I? Because I'm white? ::shakes head::

I do not agree with the Trayvon Martin verdict! 

I believe George Zimmerman had no right to kill that boy. However... I CANNOT CHANGE IT.  And honestly, neither can anyone else. It was the same way with the Caylee Anthony verdict. Casey walked. Ten days later no one gave a crap and went on with their lives. Harsh words? Yes. True? Yes. This will be the same way. America will be outraged by the Florida court system all over again...appalled! Absolutely disgusted. But in two weeks? You'll barely hear a thing about it. That's how our society works. And it's pretty sad.

America is obviously still racist.

I just happen to think that the "white" race isn't the problem anymore.

A little bugged...

Ya know what really bothers me?

I'll tell you. And first and foremost let me say that I am NOT racist in any way, shape, or form whatsoever so get that garbage out of your head right now. What bothers me is when an African American person wants to start a group ONLY for other African American people. Women specifically, breast feeding being the group moniker. Now... the main reason it bothers me is WHY does a breast feeding group only have to be one race? If anything I feel discriminated against because my race is being "left out," so to speak. And I get that I'm not a breast feeding mother at all, and that maybe I "just don't understand" (which is BS), but I see groups like this all of the time. Groups that are only for one specific race when it's something so widespread that maybe other races SHOULD be included just for a difference in opinion. You can almost guarantee that if someone who is "white" started a group only for white people it would be racist. Obviously the caucasian persuasion has a history of being racist, but come on... aren't we way over that now?

::shakes head::

Anyway...

I have been a very absentee writer as of late. I've just been super busy with appointments and cleaning my house (no luck there), sleeping, and spending time with my family, so it has been a little hard to sit down at a computer and just let loose. Hence the above rant. Another rant? Loose is the feeling of letting go, or when something isn't tight. LOSE is not when you win. Get it right people...  seriously.

Man! I'm in a mood today!

I'm actually in a relatively great mood, all rants aside. I have an appointment set up with a good friend of mine to take some pictures for me on Saturday. And I know what you're thinking... I could take them myself, but I just feel like I need a different creative eye. Plus I trust her more than I trust myself with the photographic content. To be honest? I actually put my photography on hold. I'm too busy with my bill paying job to concentrate on my photography. This living paycheck to paycheck crap is for the birds, but at least we have food and a place to sleep at night.

More than some have.

Saturday Morning Work Blues.

First thing on the agenda for this morning.

My grandmother isn't doing to well these days. She was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) about six months ago. The problems started before that, but the official diagnosis came later. She has just been downhill ever since. She has lost the ability to speak, walk, and feed herself. She needs help using the restroom and getting in and out of bed. She has trouble swallowing. I can tell you right now, we never think about the muscle that helps us swallow until we can't use it any longer. My grandma chokes on water. And she uses an oxygen tank to help her breathe. Most (if not all) ALS patients die in their sleep from a collapsed diaphragm (the muscle that helps us breathe). They basically suffocate to death. And there is no cure for this disease. It is horrible. Seeing her diminish like she is puts a huge hole in my heart. My last living grandparent is dying and there's nothing I can do or anyone else can do about it.

Sorry for the depression.
 
On another note, I despise waking up early on Saturdays.

I like to stay in bed until at LEAST 10:00am. At LEAST. But, alas... today I had to wake up at 7:00am to get ready to go to work. I normally don't work on Saturdays, but my coworker took the weekend off to go to some kind of convention so I volunteered for the overtime. Hey, I could use to overtime!

I am somewhat glad I woke up at 7:00am.

Especially since my stomach decided to expel all of it's acid in a timely manner. Let me tell you, for those of you that have not had the luxury of throwing up stomach acid (aka "bile"), it is HORRIBLE! So, so, SO much worse than just "regular" vomiting. I attribute it to the fact that I got out of bed too fast and had nothing in my belly. Obviously. Bah... what a lovely thing to read in the morning. You're welcome.

It is snowing... in March...

I really shouldn't be surprised by this.

I mean, it HAS snowed almost every year on my birthday *which is in April.* But really? I'm so over the snow. I'm over the cold. I'm ready for my allergies to kick back up and make me sneeze. I'm ready for my eyes to water and my nose to run. Okay, not really. But I AM ready for some slightly warmer weather. Would it KILL Mother Nature to make is a solid 60 degrees for a whole week? I don't think so.

I've noticed I have been freezing as of late.

I'm wondering if this is because my internal body temperature is messed up. I blame the over abundance of freakin' snow flurries. I also never wear an actual coat if I can help it. Perk one of working a pediatrician's office: I hardly ever get sick because I'm constantly exposed to germs. I DO get sick sometimes though. Just... rarely. Anyway. My body temperature is messed up! That's all.

This "blog" is becoming scarce.

Mainly because it started out as an infertility blog, and then we took a "break" in November so there was really nothing to write about. My life is somewhat uneventful, or just private enough that I don't want to expose all of my secrets. I had planned to start back up in February with the treatments, but that never happened. Those shots are ridiculously expensive. They have done a few rounds of blood work though, mainly checking my hormone levels and thyroid. Which the Dr. states are all "perfect" and "where they should be" for the time being. Yay me.

My goal for the year is to try and make this less scarce. I think I will definitely succeed. So please check back!

SHREDDERS.

I love my shredder.

I know. It's a pretty awkward way to start writing when I haven't written about Jack Squat in so long. I've never been much of a "blogger" type of person though. I guess I'd rather go out and actually live my life as opposed to writing about HOW I should live it. I dunno. Just me I suppose.

So anyway.... back to my SHREDDER!

I have spent the majority of my day today shredding things. Mainly old documents that no longer apply to my husband and I. Such as: old insurance coverage papers, 2010-11 pay stubs (yes. I shred those), any bank statements or deposit slips from over the years, old checks, etc. A lot of people think I'm crazy for shredding those things, but let's be honest here, shall we? When am I really going to need those old pay stubs from two years ago? Or a bank statement I can reprint offline in less than five seconds? Old checks? Forget about it! Those same people that think I'm crazy usually follow up the statement with, "but what if you get audited?!" Well dear friend, I'll tell you this much, I NEVER keep receipts. I NEVER keep old bills lying around my house. I can't tell you how much I spend on gas in a year. I can't tell you what I spend at the grocery in a year. My husband and I feel the same way about this. If we get audited? We'll probably laugh since neither of us keep a THING.

Some people think this is stupid.

Some people think I AM stupid for not keeping anything. I don't. It goes back to my original point. I'm too busy living my life to let junk pile up in it. I don't need reminders of how much I need to pay a bill. I'm pretty sure I get the same bill every month. If I need gas or groceries, I'll get them. Life is too short to spend worrying about getting audited.

So. I live my life in the best way I can and I spend time shredding things. Believe it or not, it's quite calming. I feel less cluttered emotionally and obviously my cupboards where "important" papers are kept are less cluttered as well.

Have a great Tax Season. ;o)

My life in so many words...

I'm changing more. My name included.

If you haven't noticed, I changed the title of my site from "Me vs. Infertility" to "My life in so many Words..." I like it better, and it makes me feel like I can write about anything opposed to strictly infertility. Speaking of which, my husband and I are taking another month or two off to concentrate on ourselves. I don't think this is a selfish move at all. Part of which means getting life in order before bringing children into the world.

I called my bank this afternoon.

I mentioned trying again to get a pre-approval on a home loan. I say "again" because we tried about six or seven months ago, but my credit was like five points shy. Annoying, but true. So I fixed some issues on the husby's credit report and tackled paying my school loan on time every month. It has been a feat, but I've done it so far! Very proud of myself for that. :) The bank manager gave me a list of things I need to bring when I meet with her tomorrow. The typical stuff, our pay stubs for the last month, our last two bank statements, previous tax returns, our most recent w2s, and anything that may show up on my credit report (ex: that damn Sallie Mae loan). I'm crossing my fingers for this, it would be wonderful to get pre-approved so we could start off with a new living arrangement, because let me tell ya... paying $540 just to RENT and APARTMENT is quite ridiculous.


The other news.

I have an interview this Friday at 2:30pm for a position in a veterinarian's office. This is my goal, ladies and gents. I have ALWAYS wanted to work with animals and now I have a pretty decent shot at it. My current place of employment has no idea. Some of the employees that I trust know about it and are supporting me through it, but my office manager and the doctors have no idea. I just feel somewhat like I'm being taken advantage of there. And don't get me wrong, I LOVE the people I work with and I don't HATE my job, but that's just the way I feel. Jipped. I have been there for four years now and have only received a fifty cent pay increase that I had to ASK for. I believe that the work I do there deserves MORE than what I'm making. The vet's office that I applied for will start me at $11-$14 an hour for doing the exact thing I've been doing at the doctor's office for four years. I cannot tell you how much more that is an hour. Ridiculous.

My only worry about moving to a new job is that I've worked up three weeks worth of vacation time. And I'm using 60 hours of that this September for the eight day Caribbean Cruise I'll be going on with my mom. We deserve a good mother-daughter vacation! And as I have never been on a cruise, I am SO excited to spend that much time near the ocean. I LOVE the ocean and I have only seen it once, but it was long enough to fall in love with. Other than that though, it is my only reservation about leaving my current job.

About this project 365...

I know I said I would post a photo every day. And I am doing that! Only it's way easier for me to post them all on Facebook as I go, and then create just one entry here and post them all. I mean, that's 365 photos, guys. That's a LOT. So if you aren't friends with me on Facebook, and would like to be, just shoot me a comment here, or a message and I'll give you access to view the album. :)

On an unrelated, somewhat depressing note.

It has been two years today since my father passed away. I still can't quite fathom that it has been that long already. I miss him every day, but always more around Holidays, the day he passed, and his birthday. Seems only natural, right? I went to see him today. His gravestone is actually my project 365 picture. I left him a message in the snow and talked to him for a little while. It's amazing how easy it is to talk to thin air when you believe that it's actually your loved one. *sigh*

But on that note, I'm finished with this post. Comment away. Or not. This is mainly my place to vent anyway.

-Until next time.